Running to keep Sarah's memory alive

This year, Julia plans to run over 1,000 miles as part of her fundraising work – a commitment she’s made to honour the memory of her best friend Sarah Henshaw, who was killed by an ex-partner in February 2019.

Alongside a supportive group of Sarah’s family and friends, Julia is taking on the Great North Run on 10th September 2023 in Newcastle.

“Every step of the way I have Sarah with me, she is my inspiration and I miss her dearly,” says Julia, who first spoke about her journey as a White Ribbon Champion while completing a ‘Fit for 40’ Challenge in 2020. Every month, Julia ran 40 miles, the age Sarah was when she was murdered.

“Every penny we raise adds up,” explains Julia, who also started to make and sell her own candles, each scent representing a different aspect of Sarah. From running, to knitting, to backyard challenges, Julia and Sarah’s loved ones have been tireless in their efforts to raise awareness about men’s violence against women and girls and promote White Ribbon UK’s work to stop violence before it starts.

You can support Julia’s latest fundraising campaign here and #ChangeTheStory for women and girls.

Can you introduce yourself?

My name is Julia and I’m a social worker. I grew up North Wales and moved down to London in the 1990s. I qualified as a social worker in 2000 and started my career in one of the London boroughs as a frontline social worker, where I worked with children and families in crisis. This is where I met my friend Sarah Henshaw. That's where my story began.

I'd been there for nearly a year when Sarah joined the team as a newly qualified social worker. She was completing a degree in social work at the time, so she worked part time for the first six months before she became a full-time member of the team. I don't really know how it happened, but we became very firm friends from the outset.

Over the last 20 years, I've continued working in social work in various teams. Despite working in different teams and for different local authorities, my friendship with Sarah continued to grow. We were always there to support one another. We were like sisters and Sarah often referred to me as the sister she never had. When we lost Sarah in 2019 following a domestic incident with her ex-partner it was a massive loss to myself and to Sarah’s family and friends. It was life changing.

How did you first hear about White Ribbon UK?

We came across the White Ribbon movement when we were planning Sarah’s funeral, one of Sarah's friends mentioned White Ribbon. I hadn't heard of White Ribbon UK before this, having not really had any involvement in my life with people who have been in abusive situations.

I remember sitting with Sarah's parents’ when we decided we would make White Ribbons to share with family and friends at Sarah’s funeral. We knew there were going to be about 300 people attending the funeral. That was the moment when we started to support White Ribbon UK and fundraise to help raise awareness and much needed funds.

Why do you fundraise for White Ribbon UK?

We decided from the outset that we were going to support domestic abuse and prevention charities because Sarah died as a result of being killed by her ex-boyfriend. We all knew Sarah wasn't in a safe relationship but we just did not know how to get her out of it safely. It was a very difficult situation. We learned how risky leaving a coercive control relationship; you cannot say “just leave him” as this is increases the risk for the person leaving. I say this to everyone now. Even as one of Sarah’s closest friends, I had to be very careful with how I supported her. I was very aware that my friendship with Sarah could have been at risk if I’d put too much pressure on her to leave him. We genuinely did not realise the level of danger she was in when she told him she was leaving and moving back to live near family and friends.

What’s the most important message you want to get across to people?

Not long after we lost Sarah, I realised I needed to do something to help myself and also to help others. I found a lot of comfort in running. I was able to empty my mind and stop my head from going to dark places. When I ran then, and still today, I don't think about the trauma that we've been through or what I could have done to change things for Sarah.

I found running became a big part of my healing process after losing Sarah. We lost her in February 2019 and I started running in memory of Sarah that summer. In May 2019 I decided I wanted to run a half-marathon in Sarah's memory to raise money for White Ribbon UK.  I ran the half-marathon in Conwy, North Wales, wearing my White Ribbon t-shirt. It’s one of the hardest half-marathons in the country but it was really a special place to go and do that first run for Sarah. I wasn’t alone: I ran alongside my husband, my sister, and a friend. Sarah's parents came and cheered us on. It was a very special moment.

I ran all the way through the COVID-19 pandemic with my husband. We ran locally and did all sorts of little challenges to keep us going and keep raising funds — one event during lockdown involved running 10km in our back garden. That was a very tough run!

Through 2021, I ran 12 half marathons. One every month. Anytime I had a chance to put a notice on social media, I’d share my JustGiving page and hope that people would donate to White Ribbon UK and support us with raising money and awareness into preventing men’s violence against women and girls.

We’ve even raised money by getting crafty. I make five different candles, all linked to Sarah in different ways. Sarah’s mum and auntie knit and host small charity events where people can purchase knitted items to contribute towards a donation.

I can honestly say Sarah had a big impact on everyone she met. She was incredibly charitable, kind and giving and she is missed so much by everyone who knew and loved her. Sarah’s memory lives on in the charity work we all do and we hope the money raised supports White Ribbon UK to continue the work this worthy charity undertakes.

If you’d like to start your fundraising journey today, whether in the memory of someone or because you want to stop violence before it starts, find out more here.