Peace and Harmony in the Jewish Home

Simon Phillips is a White Ribbon Ambassador. He is a Community Engagement Officer for the Leeds Jewish Housing Association and Director of Interfaith for the Leeds Jewish Representative Council.

As many articles and social media posts have pointed out, the ongoing social distancing (whatever Tier you are in) across the country is not great news for those at risk of abuse. As a Women’s Aid Report from this year stated “Covid-19 does not cause domestic abuse. However, it does intensify existing abuse and reduces options for escape”[1] To cite various selected figures:

•       There was an 8% increase in the UK 4 weeks to 18th June compared to the same period in 2019.

•       A helpline for perpetrators of domestic abuse seeking help to change their behaviour received 25% more calls after the start of the Covid-19 lockdown.

•       In May, the Chancellor announced a £76 million package to support people who are unsafe in their homes during the lockdown period

And the impact upon minority or faith communities is also worth highlighting. The charity Imkaan noted two pandemics – Covid and violence against women and girls.[2] Further to this, a noted commentator, Maya Oppenheim, pointed to how leading figures from Muslim, Jewish, Christian, Hindu and Sikh communities had said they had heard reports of abuse in the home ranging from psychological and physical violence to spiritual abuse during Covid.[3]

I am a White Ribbon Ambassador, aiming to raise awareness of the importance of healthy and respectful relationships and marriages within the Jewish community, and faith communities more broadly. One of the audiences to whom I have spoken are Jewish male students at universities in Leeds, including those in the Leeds chapter of the US-based and historically Jewish fraternity Alpha Epsilon Pi, whose St Andrews University chapter made headline news in July when dozens of allegations of rape and sexual assault were made against students at St Andrews University, including several against the members of the fraternity.[4]

Yet such behaviour, and indeed cases of abuse within Judaism, goes against what is central to marriage and family life in Judaism – the concept of Shalom Bayit, meaning ‘Peaceful Home’. Shalom Bayit signifies completeness, wholeness, and fulfillment. Hence, the traditional Jewish marriage is characterized by peace, nurturing, respect, and chesed (loving-kindness), through which a married couple becomes complete. It is believed that G-d's presence dwells in a pure and loving home. 

Historically, ‘Shalom Bayit’ has been something that is often seen as a female responsibility, when it is in fact very much a male one as well. This is why I continue to mobilise men and boys from the Jewish community to stand up and support the White Ribbon Campaign.

There is ongoing partnership work between Leeds City Council’s Domestic Violence and faith communities. Religious and lay leaders are encouraged to engage with the White Ribbon Campaign through posing for ‘selfies’ to show their support. This includes using quotations from scripture to demonstrate that abuse against women isn’t justified. These are shown below:

Although my primary focus is on the Jewish community, there are a range of quotes from other scriptures that complement the attitudes from the Jewish community. Some are shown below, linked to the White Ribbon Campaign branding.

The aim of the project is that a community-wide response will help to inform and empower the next generation, as well as challenge misconceptions regarding domestic violence. ‘Shalom Bayit’ is something that is often seen as a female responsibility, when it is in fact a human one. Jewish Women’s Aid does a fantastic job in helping hundreds of women locally and nationally whose lives have been blighted by domestic abuse. But more needs to be done as a preventative measure if we are to break the vicious cycle and one way of doing that is to engage with men and boys from within the community.

Please let me know if you would to get involved in the wider interfaith dimensions of this project.

For further information, please contact Simon at interfaithljrc@outlook.com

[1] Women’s Aid. (2020) A Perfect Storm: The Impact of the Covid-19 Pandemic on Domestic Abuse Survivors and the Services Supporting Them. Bristol: Women’s Aid.

[2] ‘The Impact of the Two Pandemics: VAWG and COVID-19 on Black and Minoritised Women and Girls’ (Imkaan)

[3] https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/coronavirus-domestic-abuse-religious-leaders-spiritual-faith-bme-a9533016.html 

[4] see https://www.thejc.com/news/uk/jewish-fraternity-at-centre-of-dozens-of-st-andrews-rape-and-sexual-assault-allegations-1.501573)