Let International Women's Day be a reminder that men need to listen

By Anthea Sully:

TW: This article contains potentially distressing material.

For the last few years White Ribbon UK has gone quiet on International Women’s Day. This is to ensure that as an organisation we are listening to the voices of women and we have asked all men to do the same. There is much that requires careful listening. Rape convictions are at their lowest ever and the number of women who are murdered by a current or former partner is the highest it has been for 5 years. These truths sit against an unacceptable reduction in resources. According to the Women’s Aid Domestic Abuse Report, 64% of refuge referrals were declined in the past year, and the number of refuge bed spaces in England is now 30%. This is below the number recommended by the Council of Europe. All this is set against a background noise of social media filled with misogyny and violence. Some of the most powerful men in the world, including the President of the United States, repeatedly display attitudes and language that denigrates women. Our own Prime Minister has used language that is sexist and racist. But individual men need to think and listen on a personal level. Do you ask the women you know: ‘Are you OK? Am I getting it right? What do you think’?

It is exactly two years since I joined White Ribbon UK as its Chief Executive. It is interesting to be in an organisation that has made the decision to be quiet on International Women’s Day. It has often been a day when I have been speaking up because I am a woman. This dynamic has caused me to check my own privilege. It can be too easy for women, such as myself, to find ourselves becoming a ‘representative’ of all women. For example, when I have accepted the invitation to be the only women on a panel where everyone else is a man. I need to make sure I am listening too, to the voices of women who on a daily basis face wider discrimination as well as sexism and misogyny.

Against the backdrop of a world that grants so much privilege to men, it is vitally important that men in particular learn to listen. We need to be alert to situations where multiple disadvantages are present such that sometimes all we hear is silence. For many women speaking out means a high risk of violence. We need to ensure there is a safe space where they are able to be heard. It means discovering ways to amplify their voices, to create platforms where survivors and those with lived experience are able to share their stories and perspectives.  Only by doing this can we make a difference, by identifying the structural, political and resourcing changes that are needed, and by holding those in power to account for delivering them.

The last part of the White Ribbon promise, to never commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women, appears contradictory in the context of what I have just written. Let’s be clear. We always expect men to call out sexist and violent behaviour amongst their friends, colleagues and within their communities. International Women’s Day is definitely not a day to stop doing this. Rather, we want to remind men, and all of us with power, that our starting place must be listening carefully to the voices of women – if we do so we will know how best to act.