So how do we want to come out of lockdown?
By Peter Lassey
One of the things we are learning from around the world is that lockdown is putting families and relationships under huge strain. China’s Divorce Spike Is a Warning to Rest of Locked-Down World (Bloomberg, 31 March), Law firms brace for surge in divorce cases during coronavirus lockdown (Evening Standard, 15th April). Family life has not been used to the intense scrutiny of living in the same space 24/7. Many of us are eating, sleeping, working, exercising and relaxing together at home with partners and kids, it’s a bit like Christmas day, only one that lasts for months!
Although all relationships will be tested under these circumstances we all have a choice about how we either endure or relish this time. If you are sharing your space with children then this may be the longest time you have spent together as a family, whether you like it or not, this event will have profound impact on, and may even define your family going forward.
As a bloke who is struggling to juggle work, community and family responsibilities I have found this enforced family time, to my surprise, richly rewarding. I have tried to analyse why this is the case and have concluded that for the most part this is because I share my life with a wife and daughter that have become accustomed to helping me be a better dad and husband. I do know that the central dynamic that makes this work is that we all recognise each other as equals, we all deserve and expect respect, and we help each other to see how our behaviour is impacting on each other. I get things wrong more than I get things right but I keep trying every day because loving and being loved is one of the greatest joys we can experience as human beings. I don’t think I could live with me, so I am constantly grateful (and a little astounded) that they continue to love and support me.
Nevertheless, I believe that I have learned a few things that I would recommend every man should try if they want to make lockdown work for them and their family. Firstly, and most importantly you must recognise your partner as your equal. Everything flows from that. This means that if you want people to respect what you think you must first respect their view and their judgement. You should try to see things from their point of view, listen to them and remember, you can ask for help.
When you are in lockdown with children, the way you behave with your partner will begin to establish a model for them to follow – make sure it’s one you are proud of. Let them see that you treat your partner as an equal, let them see that you are not afraid to say what you feel, let them see that saying sorry shows strength not weakness.
Lockdown will have an impact on all of us, let’s work to make it a positive one. Make equality and respect a cornerstone of your family.
Peter Lassey is the Chair of the White Ribbon Board of Trustees. Peter has taught film studies at the University of Bradford since 2000, and works within the community of the University as a White Ribbon Ambassador.